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Romeo and Juliet' has led us astray
Romantic love, love at first sight -- it's great theater but
disastrous dating advice.
February 14, 2010|By
Andrew Trees
What if
Shakespeare had it wrong about love in "Romeo and Juliet"? In fact,
what if all of us have it wrong and our ideals of love and romance are hopeless?
Perhaps the time has come to reconsider the concept of romantic love. We need
to ask whether, in the pursuit of the perfect romance, we haven't actually declared
war on true love. Cupid's arrow does strike often, but with the U.S. divorce
rate near 50%, one has to wonder whether the wound is particularly deep or
long-lasting.
Our
typical romantic beliefs are quite often wrong. For instance, even couples who
are blissfully happy together can't count on a happy ending. The PAIR project,
a long-term academic study of couples, found that those most in love when they
marry are also the most likely to get divorced.
And the
chemical attraction that many people rely on to choose a partner has been found
to fade "to neutrality" in two to three years. That's right,
neutrality, which is deadly for a marriage. 
In
my research, I even discovered that wife murderers tend to be strong believers
in the romantic ideal. Take that, Romeo and Juliet.
In
my research, I even discovered that wife murderers tend to be strong believers
in the romantic ideal. Take that, Romeo and Juliet.
Love and
romance did not always rule. As recently as the 1930s, American men ranked
mutual attraction as only the fourth most important quality for a relationship,
while women had it even lower, placing it fifth. But in recent decades, love
has climbed to No. 1, accompanied by a rise in the importance of looks, which
suggests that our romance with romance is long on style and short on substance.
I hate to
sound unromantic, but perhaps it's time to place less emphasis on romantic
attraction as the key to finding a partner. What can shoulder some of the load?
I would suggest that we rely a little more on what science has discovered about
human attraction.
For
instance, some researchers can now predict whether a couple will stay together
with far more accuracy than the couple themselves. And it has less to do with
the things we might think, such as fighting, and far more to do with the things
we take for granted, such as asking your spouse about his or her day.
According
to a 1982 study by two Indian researchers, the level of self-reported love in
arranged marriages increased over time. They reported more love than in
marriages that were freely chosen. Incredible as it sounds, people with a very
limited say in choosing their own spouses eventually became happier with their
relationships than people with the freedom to choose anyone they wanted.
Although
we almost always read "Romeo and Juliet" as a story of love at first
sight, Shakespeare actually offered his own critique of romantic love at the
beginning of the play. Romeo is pining away for love -- but not for Juliet.
There is another fair damsel who has rejected Romeo's advances, and he declares
himself inconsolable. He disdains finding someone else and tells Benvolio,
"Thou canst not teach me to forget" -- which is, of course, precisely
what happens a few scenes later when Romeo meets Juliet and realizes that he
was completely wrong before and only now has discovered
true love.
We never
remember that part of the story, though, because if we think of "Romeo and
Juliet" from that perspective, the whole play starts to contradict our
usual romantic notions.
Perhaps
the time has come for us to take a skeptical view of romance We should realize
that "Romeo and Juliet" has led us astray. Shakespeare's story may be
entertaining, but it is disastrous dating advice.
- - Do you believe Shakespeare believed in love at first site or was criticizing it?
- - Do you believe in love at first site? Why or why not?
- - What do you think about the information the author uncovered about love in arranged marriages vs. love in freely chosen marriages?
- - What is your favorite love story of all time? From a book, television show, movie or real life? Why is it your favorite?
I don't think shakespeare had believed in love at first sight because you can't just look at someone and fall in love. You need to get to know them before u can actually catch feelings. He was criticizing it because who can fall in love by first sight? You honestly can't and how ever says they did is wrong. It is impossible to fall in love if you never even talked to the person.
ReplyDeleteLove at first sight to me seems ridiculous. Its stuff that happens in movies or books, not in real life. If u say u fell in love at first sight 10/10 youre lying about it.
No i don't believe in love at first sight cause it sounds ridiculous. If u say you fell in love just by looking at someone and not even getting to know them, you don't really “love” them. You can never fall in love with someone when you lay your eyes on them for the first time, it just can't happen because if you say that you're basically lying about it cuz no one can feel a connection if you never even talked. That's like me saying that when i went to new york and saw someone cute i fell in love. It doesn't make sense to me.
If you arrange a marriage it means u actually care and love that person because that means you guys took time to think about how it's gonna happen and where its gonna happen. If you just did it freely with no thought about it. Chances are you guys are not happy nor care about the relationship you're in, marriage is huge step in life. When u pop that question, it changes your life forever, that's one of the biggest parts of anyone's life cause that means you're only down for that one person and will fight tooth and nail for eachother.
I don't have a favorite love story. But i don't gnomeo and juliet was a good one. It summarized the whole story in cartoon form and it was better to follow and better understanding than the actual romeo and juliet, cause there's more to follow but with gnomeo and juliet it was easy to follow and better to understand
I disagree with Nikos comment. What I got out of my research is shakespeare did believe in love at first sight. he did criticize it but out of my understanding he did believe in love at first sight. I think in Nikos writing he used the same words to much and repeated sentences and facts too much. I disagree with when he said an arranged marriage means you actually care about the person because that is completly wrong because you could barely know the person your being arranged to marry. In his last paragraph he repeated that it was easy to follow twice.
Deletei disagree with with niko because shakespeare did believe in love at first sight. i also disagree with him saying love at first sight is ridiculus and that you cant be in love by laying your eyes on someone. Honestly i think hes looking on it all wrong because it also means like first meeting them. Some people might just fall in love depending on how there thinking.it all depends on how you think of it or what happened. also when he says the arranged marriage thing i disagreed also because depending on what kind of arranged marriage doesnt always mean you love and care about them theres some sick people that will go for just money and stuff
DeleteI disagree with you Niko because there is a thing called love at first sight and exspecially in this story. There is a lot that happened between Romeo and Juliet and how you think it's ridiculous but everyone has there own opinion so I'm not gonna judge. But what you wrote about this story I thought was complete faulse
DeleteI agree with you Niko. Yours is good. I do not believe Shakespeare believed in true love. He just made entertainment. He made Romeo and Juliet.
Deletei dont agree with niko i feel like shakespeare does believe in love at first sight and true love or he would not have chose to write about it. and what he wrote you can tell he does believe in it and how it is possible to love someone when first meeting them
DeleteI think that shakespeare did believe in love at first sight.I have many speculations that can back up my opinion.The first thing was that in the beginning of Romeo and Juliet he is not in love with Juliet right away he is in love with this girl named Rosaline, who he has never talk to, also she does not like him back.But then once Romeo meets the women of his dreams Juliet he immediately falls in love with her at first sight.Another speculation is as soon as he sees Juliet he completely loses his feelings for Rosaline as it said in the movie and in the book we are reading.Then he goes too tell his dad that he doesn’t love Rosaline but he loves a girl named Juliet. And Juliet also loves him back as it says in the movie and in the book, and they both die at the end of the story because they love each other so much.
ReplyDeleteI think the information that the author giver for arranged marriages and freely picked marriages is he didn’t like the arranged marriages because it was not fair to the girl in the relationship.I also think he likes freely picked marriages because they make everybody happy because they don’t have to be dragged into a relationship they really don’t want to be in.
My favorite romantic movie is gnomeo and juliet.I thought it was very funny and I liked the movie a lot.It was like a kid vision of the real movie and book Romeo and Juliet.This movie is about too gardeners and their gnomes that fight each other because they don't like each other because their owners don't like each other. Then these too gnomes see each other and they like each other a lot because of a flower they both wanted and they didn’t even know they were different colors from each other.
I agree that Shakespeare did believe in love at first sight. When Romeo finds Juliet at the party I could tell that that was meant to be. I do believe in love at first sight but that doesn't mean it will last forever. I loved watching gnomeo and Juliet the movie. I thought that it was very funny and interesting to watch.
Deletei dont beilve he fell in love at first sight. i dont think u can look at someone and fall in love so easily. im my opinion falling in love takes time to see if you trust the person and see if they are the one.
Deletei agree with hunter about shakespeare believing in love at first sight. When Romeo saw Juliet he knew that they need to be together.
DeleteI think that Shakespeare did believe in love at first sight. You don't even have to know them but just by the way you guys first lay eyes on each other that can say a lot. Romeo felt the same way when he layer his eyes on Juliet. You could also tell that this was love at first sight because he did everything and went thru anything to be with her he even killed himself for her now that's true love right there!
ReplyDeleteI believe at love at first sight because when I was in 7th grade I know it's young but this kid always stared at me and I never seen him or talked to him ever he sat at the other side of the room. He always smiled at me and then one day we just started talking and then starting dating and we stopped talking like that in 8th grade. Me and him are good friends right now but I definitely believe love at first sight.
I think what the author is saying is that arranged marriage is easier in my opinion because if you have everything planned out it goes by easier and you have ideas and a freely one is that it's all out of order and it's like harder but I think Romeo had a freely marriage.
My favorite love story by far is Romeo and Juliet because I just love how they do everything for each other and don't care what people think about them and does what ever it takes for them two to be together. I also thought it was sad but cute how Romeo killed him self because he thought Juliet was dead so he killed himself to be with her! That's true love and a story I can't forget.
I think that Shakespeare believed in love at first site. In Romeo and juliet he fell in love with someone but did not know if she was the right one. When Romeo went to the Capulet party and he kissed Juliet he fell in love at that time. You could tell that Romeo and Juliet fell in love by the way they talked to each other and how they react to their families thoughts on their love. Love at first sight can happen but you don't know who that person is and their personality could be very different from yours. Some people fall in love with a person that doesn’t love them and that can make some people upset. It is better to get to meet the person and have conversations with them about how you feel about each other. Love at first site is possible but it doesn’t always work out as planned. I don’t have a favorite love story but i have a song that is about a love story that i like. It explains how two grandparents met and how they fell in love and built a house and raised their own family and how they grow old together. I like because it shows how much two people love each other even through challenging times in live.
ReplyDeleteI do not believe Shakespeare believed in love at first sight. I don’t believe that people can fall in love at first sight because the looks of them. They would have to be with them to fall in love. That is the way that I look at it. You cannot just fall in love at first sight. Therefore, I think he was telling a story about it. I do not think he believes, but I also don’t think he was criticizing it. My favorite love movie is Gnomeo and Juliet. That is the the only love movie I have seen. It was good. It is my favorite because it is the only one I have seen. Also I like watching feuds. In my opinion, it is not mostly about romance, it is mostly about the garden feud between the red gnomes and the blue gnomes. Also they put real names in it. Not just Romeo and Juliet, also Tybalt. There is nothing really different besides the battle between the gnomes. Also Gnomeo and Juliet wanted to make it better between the whole garden and they wanted all gnomes to be friendly with each other. I like how they made this version instead of another version of Romeo and Juliet. There are actually two Romeo and Juliets and I think the second one is stupid. But, that is just my opinion. The second version is the same thing, but it is really stupid in my opinion. The first one was pretty good though. But, I seriously do not think they are both mostly about romance. I personally think that they should make a remake on the first movie of Romeo and Juliet. The second movie did not really make sense in my opinion. It is just a movie that they tried to make funny. But, it is not really funny. I understand that they wanted to wanted to entertain people with the second movie, but it wasn’t that good.That is just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI believe that shakespeare did believe in love at first sight. Because how can you write so passionately about something that you do not believe in. i feel like hoe he wrote about love at first sight he has to been in love at first sight or highly believe in love. I don't believe in love at first sight because you don't know their personality or how they will treat you . you've never talked to them before. How are you supposed to know if your in love if you don't know them. Love is a strong feeling you can't just feel that by looking at people. That's called lust just liking them for how they look and not how they act so i don't believe in love at first sight. But different people have different perspectives on things like some people might believe that you can fall in love by just looking at people but i don't see how like what if there attitude is horrible and there just not a good person but you say your in love with them. I feel like you have to know someone before you fall in love with them. I think that the information about love in arranged marriages and love in a marriage you get to chose is true because maybe someone picking someone for you can be a good idea and that you can find love in them you can get to know them and start to like them. I also think it's true because sometimes you don't know is good for yourself you may think its good for but deep down it's really not. And sometimes arranges marriages last longer because you give it time and practice because you don't know how they are and how they react to things. My favorite love story is from the movie the longest ride. That is my favorite because they think there not good for each other so they keep their distance when in reality there perfect for each other and they end up releasing that and it's just so cute and sweet and perfect.
ReplyDelete