5 Tips for Talking About Racism With Kids
5
hints for starting the conversation about race (good news: it doesn't have to
be awkward!)
Recently after interviewing a potential nanny, I asked my daughter Chloe, 4, what she thought. "I don't like her brown skin?" my daughter replied, phrasing it like a question in that hesitant way she does when she knows she's testing.
I was shocked—and horrified. She'd never mentioned skin color before, despite having good friends of different ethnicities, and I naively believed she was colorblind. Now, faced with the fear that I had inadvertently raised a pint-size racist, I biffed it. "That's not a nice thing to say,' I scolded her. And then, unsure of what else to say, I said nothing at all.
I'm pretty sure that falls on the "how not to handle it" list. We spoke to Dr. Beverly Tatum, president of Spelman College and author to find out what you should say, and when.
1. Don't be afraid to bring it up
For many parents, the race talk is as difficult as the birds and the bees talk. Dr. Tatum attributes this awkwardness to a lack of communication about race in many of our own childhoods. "There are concerns about saying the wrong thing and sounding racist, even if that is not the intent." says Dr. Tatum. "Sometimes parents naively believe that if they talk about issues of race with their children, they will cause them to notice race in a way that they did not before."
2. Look for teaching moments
Not sure how to get the conversation started? If your child comments on different skin colors, that's an easy in. Children's books that discuss race are also a gentle introduction. Or, you can look for subtle openings in everyday life. "I was cooking with my 3-year-old," says Dr. Tatum. "We used the last white egg in the carton, and then took out another carton of eggs, this time brown eggs. My son noted that the eggs were different in color. 'Yes,' I said, as we cracked both eggs open, 'But look—they are the same inside. Just like people, they come in different shades, but they are the same on the inside.'"
3. Make the message age-appropriate
For preschoolers, use concrete examples, like the egg example above. Since even young children can understand when something is unfair (how many times have they lobbed the "not fair!" charge at you?), you can break down slavery (or segregation) for them: Slavery happened a long time ago, but holding people captive and making them work without paying them is unfair. So slavery ended, because many people thought it was unfair and worked to change it. "I think it is important to emphasize that no racial group is all bad or all victims," says Dr. Tatum. "For example, in the US, white people were slaveowners, but white people also worked against slavery. Black people were enslaved, but many resisted their mistreatment by running away and helping others escape. Offering examples of people working together is also important."
4. Accept that prejudiced comments may happen—and that doesn't mean your child is racist
If your kid makes a questionable remark, don't freak. "Children often repeat what they hear others say, and it doesn't necessarily mean that the child believes it," says Dr. Tatum. "Ask questions. 'What made you say....?' Gently dispute the stereotype or prejudiced attitudes. 'I've heard people say X about Y, but my experience with Y people is...' and give an example to dispute the stereotype."
5. Most importantly, be a role model
"The best way to reduce children's prejudices is to model an inclusive home, demonstrating that you have friends of all backgrounds," says Dr. Tatum. "Parents who have learned to lead multicultural lives, connecting with people different from themselves, are more likely to have children who develop those important life skills at an early age."
As for my own little stumble, we've recovered. Hanging out together on Martin Luther King Day, I asked Chloe if she knew who Dr. King was, and somehow she did. We talked about the work he did, and how unfair it is to treat someone badly just because they have different color skin. And then we went back to coloring.
Your comment must
be at least 380 words. Due by Tuesday 4/17 at 11:59pm. Your reply to a
classmate is due Thursday 4/19 at 11:59pm.
- Sum up each piece of advice offered by the author.
- What advice might Atticus add if he were writing this article?
- The last piece of advice tells parents that they should be a role model for their kids on how to treat people, how was Atticus a role model for Scout and Jem on how to treat people?
some parents believe that if they bring up issues of skin color up to there, there children will or might look at skin colors differently than they did before or there scared they might sound racist if they say something and it comes out the wrong way. It also says how some parents don't know the right to to bring it up or what age to talk to them about it or how the should start the conversation or what they should say to their kids about it. The right time is when they same something about someone else having a different skin color or something along the lines of that. However you decide to say make sure its age appropriate like if there younger dont tell them that much about slavery or segregation kinda break it down a little bit more so that they understand it more and sometimes they will say something that you think is racist but if it's their first time getting it explained to them they will say things like that but it does not mean there racist there just trying to understand it fully and they might not even know what there saying means. And you have to be a role model for them if you tell them how bad racism was and slavery then you have to stick to that and make sure that there introduced to different backgrounds and not just one and don't tell them how bad it was if your gonna show them differently with your actions towards other people. I feel like if atticus was writing this article he would say that just because there different color doesn't mean there different from us and that you shouldn't judge people based on their color. And that it doesn't make them more aggressive and that we are all just people. Atticus was a very good role model to jem and scout because he treated everyone equally. When the kids were making up things about boo radley he made sure that they stopped and didn't say anything else like that. Atticus was also a good role model because instead of turning down the case because he would be representing an african american man he took the case and did the job to his best ability he did not turn it down like other people because of toms skin color he took it and tried his best.
ReplyDeleteI agree emma, you made a great point. I liked what you were talking about.
DeleteIn, don't be afraid to bring it up, the doctor said that it is ok to say racist things to your children if your are trying to teach them about race.In, look for teaching moments, Tatum pulls out one cartoon of white eggs. Then he pulls out one carton of brown eggs. He demonstrated that when he cracked both white and brown eggs open, they were the same inside. He also explained that there is white skinned people and brown skinned people but, they are the same. They are just different color.In, Make the message age-appropriate, thye explain the egg lesson was more appropriate. You can not say bad words like the n-word, or black people in front of children. You say that the people are colored, or light skinned, or dark skinned. In, except that prejudice comments may happen, They explain that people would say bad and mean things about other races. For example, people would call a black person a nigg*r. It’s not just the blacks though, black people could pick on white people to. But, mainly prejudice started because of the colored skinned people. In, most important be a role model, they teach that you should be a role model to other people. They don’t pick on the colored people, they may become friends with them or just let them be. They would be nice to them though. The advice that Atticus would add if he were writing this article is do not accuse other people, frame them, kill them, or put them in jail when they clearly win the case, just because other their skin color. Atticus was a role model to other people and jem and Scout because he stood up for a black guy and wasn’t scared. That black guy was Tom Robinson. Also, he taught his kids not to say the n-word, or pick on people just for their skin color. Not only that, but when Bob Ewell attacked his kids, he said that they can’t keep th secret from the court, Jem killed Bob Ewell, but for self-defense and for his little sister Scout. There was a lot or things in the article that were good advice, and this article was like a role model for other people to read.
ReplyDeletei agree with you emma. i like what u were talking about and u explained the whole situtaion well
DeleteiIn advice one it is to “not be afraid to bring it up.” In that advice they are saying that some parents that have a problem with something involving their child they don't tell anyone they let it go. For example if there child is getting bullied there not going to report it to the school they will let it go.In advice three it is about teaching. They said that different colored eggs but have the same insides like people. The lack of communication about race in many of our own childhoods. "There are concerns about saying the wrong thing and sounding racist, even if that is not the intent." People naively believe that if they talk about issues of race with their children, they will cause them to notice race in a way that they did not before. Some advice that Atticus would add if he was writing this article is that no matter what people think you always do what you feel is right no matter what. For example a lot of people were giving hate for Atticus defending Tom Robinson a black man in court. Even tho he was innocent he was black, so they didnt care what they had to say. The white people are obviously going to win in court and there was nothing he can do because he was black. Even tho they had so much evidence about it. Atticus was a huge role model to his kids. How he was a role model is he would tell the kids to stop the kids from making fun of Boo. He would talk to Scout when she was getting into fights and he would give her advice and tell her not to fight anyone. They really saw that it’s not fair on how everyone treats each other. So the kids saw that racism isn't a fair thing and they don't like it at all. So the dad made a very good role model for his kids. The last piece of evidence that a parent should give their kid about racism is just don't get involved with it, you won't have any problems then. Do u agree with me? If so why or why not?
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Niko. I say they stay out of their problem. You had a good reason.
ReplyDeleteMost parents are scared to talk about race for the simple fact that they think their kids will think different of people with different skin colors. Dr. Tatum says that, "There are concerns about saying the wrong thing and sounding racist, even if that is not the intent." So most parents think that it's better for children to learn on their own and skip the talk about races. Another way to teach your kids about races and skin color is by looking for teaching moments, look for scenarios where it's okay to talk about skin color. Dr. Tatum explained "I was cooking with my 3-year-old. We used the last white egg in the carton, and then took out another carton of eggs, this time brown eggs. My son noted that the eggs were different in color. 'Yes,' I said, as we cracked both eggs open, 'But look—they are the same inside. Just like people, they come in different shades, but they are the same on the inside.” A third way you could teach your kids about skin color and race is by making the message age appropriate. Like relating it to everyday shows or even everyday life lessons. A fourth way you can explain segregation/slavery is by accepting that it will happen and it will be tough but you can get through. Finally the last way you can explain racism to your kid is by being a role model and not be racist yourself.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Marc. Parents think that instead of talking to there children that it’s better to go unsaid and that’s not the case because then when it is time to talk they might already have made up there mind about racism in the wrong way. And if you were to speak to them it could be avoided
DeleteTo sum up all of the advice given I would say the general go to thing to do is understand that your child is still a child and most likely doesn’t understand or know exactly the meaning of what their saying. The first tip is to not be afraid to bring it up because sooner or later this talk is going to have to be had and you cannot avoid it forever so might as well get it over with in the early stages of their lives so they know whats right and what is wrong. If Atticus was writing this article I think that he’d tell the kids that everybody's the same inside and that everybody deserves to be treated the same no matter what they look like.
ReplyDeleteI think that if Atticus were in this situation that he would let the kids know that people are all different on the outside but the same on the inside. If he was writing this article he would probably add in more personal ways of bringing it up. In my opinion that has the most effect on children so they understand it better and can relate to it instead of just hearing about it they experience it like Scout and Jem were at the trial and have first hand knowledge of how terrible racism is so they will make sure to never do that to anybody.
Atticus was a role model to Scout and Jem because in a town full of racist people he didn’t let the popular opinion affect him and he defended a black man in trial. He got a lot of backlash for it but regardless of what the town thought of him or the situation he never let it change his mind and he did what was right in his heart. By him doing this it taught Scout and Jem that everybody is equal and should be treated that way. In my opinion Scout and Jem will never be racist because of what they’ve seen growing up and how wrong it was.
I agree with you Atticus was very kind and made jem and scout very respectable and treat everyone the same and that everybody should be treated the same and everyone is the same from the inside and out. I like what you said about they should just bring it up because they have to one day and minaswell do it now.
DeleteA piece of advice talked about the author I would say is the one to not be afraid to bring it up because your kids should know so that they are respectable and know that all kids are the same from the inside and out. If your child is different color they need to know that they shouldn’t be a shame and should know that we are all the same. Everyone deserves to be treated the same as the rest of us. It’s also easier to bring it up now so they know because u can’t wait forever. If Atticus was in this situation he would say what I pretty much said. He would say that everyone deserves to be treated the same and everyone is the same no matter what. If Atticus wrote this he would probably make it more personal and put it in more detail. In my opinion I feel like race is so sad and people really should not be so rude and just treat everyone the same. It’s not just blacks that people get on blacks go after whites and people should just start getting alone and stop with all the negativity. Everyone should be treated fairly. Atticus was a role model to scout and jem because they lived in a town with racists people and never treated anyone fairly. Atticus doesn’t let anyone control him and tell him how he should feel and he is not rasist and defends anyone because we are all the same that’s why he defended that black man in trail for rapping the girl. He didn’t do it but they accused him on doing it because of the color of his skin. No matter what town thought of him and would never let anyone change his mind about how he feels about people and that he likes anyone no matter what. Because of him doing that jem and scout listen to Atticus and great everyone and likes everyone the same. They treat everyone equal. In my opinion I think Atticus was very good to scout and jem because he taught them right and now they will grow up to be just like him and that everyone is the same and what they saw and how they treated different color people. They will always be kind people and treat everyone respectfully and equally. What do you think?
ReplyDelete